Trigger warning: this is the story of how I got pregnant with a Paragard IUD: my miscarriage at 6 weeks gestation.  Originally posted February 24, 2018.

When you are graduating college or celebrating the birth of your baby, you shout it from the mountaintops. We live in a world where we publicly discuss every aspect of our life on social media.  But when you miscarry, you feel alone. You may walk with your partner or mother or friend, quietly and with fear.  

A miscarriage is a painful phenomenon, but then grief always is. Your job doesn’t permit you twelve weeks of leave for a miscarriage. There is no public funeral to say goodbye to that tiny soul. Going through a miscarriage feels like walking in a fog, alone, without shoes on.  However, moving on is complicated and painful and it alters your outlook permanently because from now on, worry taints pregnancy.

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I got pregnant with a Paragard IUD: My Miscarriage at 6 weeks

Our Miscarriage Story

That night, my husband and I were going out to celebrate, and my best friend agreed to watch our baby.  I never worried about the fallibility of birth control because I had a copper Paragard IUD.  

Seriously- the Paragard has a very low failure rate which is less than one percent (an average of 0.18% per year per the CDC). This failure rate is as low as female sterilization rates, also known as getting your tubes tied.  In other words, getting pregnant with a Paragard correctly in place is VERY rare.

However, my period lasted twelve days so far.  I had lots of brown bleeding and odd lower pelvic cramping.  Intrinsically, I knew that something was not right and I took the remaining digital pregnancy test from our last baby.

Pregnant with a Paragard IUD

The timer slowly rotated, and I assumed it was taking so long because it was negative.  My toddler ran out of the bathroom, so I hurriedly chased her.  My husband went to the bathroom a few minutes later and didn’t mention the results of the test, so I figured all was well. 

Oh well, I still needed to shower so I turned on the water. Before hopping in the tub, I cast a glance to the laminate countertop, and it shouted in clear black letters: PREGNANT.

I turned off the faucets, pulled on my clothes, and sat on the floor in shock. In a few minutes, I had to find the strength to stand up and walk out to the kitchen and tell my husband.

I don’t care who you are: bleeding for twelve days does not instill positive feelings in anyone!  I knew that the cramping and IUD set me up for failure. We dropped our toddler off with my best friend on the way to the emergency department. This night had taken a terrible turn.

The Emergency Department

Upon arriving at the department, I carefully recited the symptoms. I had an IUD, light to moderate brown bleeding for twelve days, developed foreign cramping in my left lower pelvis, and tested positive on a home pregnancy test.  They quickly escorted us to a private bay in the emergency room.

The lab technician came in cracking jokes and drew my blood in a rainbow of tubes to assess my situation. Her cheerful demeanor contrasted drastically with the mood in our room.  Next, transportation came to wheel me down the cold hallway to my ultrasound.

The ultrasound technician repeatedly jammed the transvaginal ultrasound into my cervix. The discomfort is tolerable when you are eagerly awaiting seeing your baby’s tiny heartbeat and little wiggling limbs.  When they avert their eyes and quietly tap on the keys of the ultrasound machine, you know that there is no good news. 

After arriving back in my room, the ER physician told me that they believed they saw something growing on my left fallopian tube. When a pregnancy implants outside of the uterus, it is known as an ectopic pregnancy.  The most common place for an ectopic pregnancy to occur is in the fallopian tubes, between the ovaries to the uterus. 

The amount of pregnancy hormone (hCG) in my blood showed that I was pregnant, but we would expectantly manage the situation, and I should visit my health care provider the following Monday.

Holding Out Hope

We visited the OB two days later on a Monday and had my IUD removed. Based on my last menstrual period, I was 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant, but the level of pregnancy hormone was too low to see anything conclusive on ultrasound.  This means there was no definitive answer whether it was ectopic (outside of the uterus) or an intrauterine pregnancy.  My husband and I left hoping for a viable intrauterine pregnancy, but fairly certain it would be a tubal pregnancy.  However, the next day we received the call that my hCG was dropping by several points from our weekend ER visit. There was no way this could be a “normal” pregnancy.

For the next ten days, the hCG levels dropped appropriately. No one prepared me for the pain, and I am a healthcare professional. I was on hands and knees screaming on the floor as the pain came and went. It was a Wednesday night, and I did not want to leave the comfort of my house. However I was terrified that I would wake my children, or worse yet, would not wake up the next morning. I went back to the emergency department with my mother.

My hCG had dropped, and there was a 4 cm area on my left tube that appeared to be where an ectopic pregnancy had grown. The ER doctor and my OB were pretty sure that I was having a tubal miscarriage, meaning my body was passing the ectopic pregnancy without medical assistance. It was 5 am and time to face my small children and miscarriage head-on with only a mild pain pill.

That Friday, I had another blood draw.  Shockingly, the hCG went up 9 points. It’s been 9 weeks after my last menstrual period, and I was still in an ectopic pregnancy limbo.  If it trended up again, I needed to receive an injection of methotrexate, a chemo drug that makes you feel terrible but will prevent the growth of the ectopic pregnancy.

Twice a week, I experience the painful stab of the needle entering my arm in a sterile, cold space as we follow the pregnancy hormone down to 0.  I see glowing pregnant women everywhere now- something that has never once bothered me. 

The lab technician told me all about his wife entering the second trimester as he sees that my only order is for hCG.  There are always pregnant women sitting in the lab, taking their glucose test with their big glorious bellies. A girl from high school shares the due date that I should have had.  The grief strikes unexpectedly.

How do you Move On?

I cry at the most inopportune times and don’t know how to get past this. Presently, I have to have faith that the universe will provide.  People say, “you could always try again” or “you have enough kids anyway”, but I don’t want to try again. I want that baby.

But I don’t want to try again. I want that baby

I’m one of the “lucky” ones. Usually, doctors find an ectopic when a woman is being wheeled back for surgery, about to lose a tube. But I don’t feel lucky. I have a lot of guilt for losing this pregnancy. Between the IUD and the unplanned fourth baby, I don’t even feel like my friends suffering a miscarriage can relate to me.  However, I have phenomenal friends and know that they absolutely would support me.

While my baby did not leave a resounding impression on this earth, the impact left on my heart is significant.

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there.

It doesn’t matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away.”

—Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Have you ever experienced a miscarriage with an IUD?  Help me fight the lonely stigma attached to miscarriage.

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I'm married to my High School sweetheart and a Disney loving mom to four children, one with autism. We have the wanderlust. I'm a total birth nerd, midwife, and special needs advocate.

20 replies on “I Got Pregnant with a Paragard IUD: My Miscarriage at 6 weeks”

  1. I found out we were pregnant with a Mirena IUD 2 weeks ago. Based on my provider’s quick action, I can tell you it’s not a common thing they see. They removed the Mirena that day and signed me up for 2 ultrasounds and bloodwork every other day through the end of the week and weekend. Unfortunately my hormone levels were way too low and I started bleeding that weekend. I have no idea how far along I was since my periods weren’t regular on the Mirena, but most likely around 5 weeks. In the short time we knew that we were expecting my husband was already looking at names, a new car, etc, to prepare to become a family of 5.

    Anyways, the point of my comment – there is literally nothing out there about this kind of situation. I don’t feel like I can relate to any other miscarriage stories and I do feel like it was my fault because it most likely was not a chromosomal abnormality that caused a miscarriage. It feels like the world is moving on without me and I’m just stuck behind, expected to be better, grieving, but not sure how I “should” feel. And nobody asks, which makes it terribly lonely.

    I am so sorry for your loss and I appreciate you sharing your story 💕

    1. Rebecca- I am so sorry for your loss. While I understand many with a miscarriage feel lonely, it’s the oddest feeling of guilt and solitude. I’m happy to chat any time you need to- I’m on all the social channel and it’s still something I think aboutz

  2. Omg I thought I was reading my own experience I lost my baby because of the paragard they believe the baby implanted in an unsafe place my water broke baby came out after weeks of on and off pain no one could explain on the left side as well. So sorry for your loss they believe mine was 7 to 8 weeks and it’s not easy and no matter what it feels like no one understands

  3. Yes, writing and sharing helps! That is such a beautiful name! We named our son Tyler. And thank you!! Sending lots of hugs.

  4. Im so sorry that happened. I feel your pain. I lost my son due to the paraguard at 18 weeks. My iud couldn’t be removed because he would have died with the removal. But it kept migrating inside while he grew and it killed him anyway. It’s been two years. It’s been so very hard. We had a rainbow baby in February. A girl. Although she makes my life happier…it does not make my loss easier. I wanted my son so much.

  5. It’s been 18 years since my 2 miscarriages. I was married to an abusive husband at the time and he caused them by his violence, then mocked my pain when I lost the babies and mocked my pain when I mourned them. The pain is still there, sharp, unrelenting. The regret that I did not leave that monster sooner. The regret that he made my children suffer for so many years. And I can’t forgive him, that simmering hatred and disgust taints me, but I can’t let go. These two little souls did not fulfill their destiny. When the pain and tears and memories come back, I tend to just shove them back so that I don’t get overwhelmed. It never goes away. I miss what could have been.
    I am sorry you had to go through the pain of losing a baby, planned or not. I am sure that, like me, you often think of him or her. The one consolation is knowing we are not alone and this lonely feeling does unite and support us in some unseen way. Hugs.

    1. I am so sorry that you had to experience the trauma of the loss of your babies and the abuse of someone who was supposed to love and care for you. I hope you can find solace in the fact that you are not alone. The hardest part is wondering who they would have been. I hope someday you are able to stop shoving it back and cope with your emotions so that you can mourn the loss of those little souls. I am so sorry that anyone mocked your pain.

  6. I just found this… You I guess I mean. I am too, suffering right now and have been for a long time. But silently, as you say. My very first pregnancy ended in a second trimester miscarriage. After that I couldn’t seem to get pregnant. Once I did, 3 years later, it was a terrible pregnancy in and out of the hospital. Alas I bore a son. He is amazing. After him I had several more miscarriages… Our beautiful son was diagnosed with Autism at only 1 and a half years old… that’s about when we found out I was pregnant again. Fear is not even a word I could’ve used at that point. Fear for another miscarriage. Fear of bringing a disabled sibling into the world… I carried to term and had a gorgeous baby girl. Our son is 7 and our daughter 5 now. Both very smart in their own ways. Though I’ve suffered miscarriage since. I got the Paragaurd IUD in 2014. I was done. I am tired of the pain. Yet I’ve had this lingering hurt inside about these weird “periods” I get sometimes (sometimes being about one per year since getting the IUD actually). I will get subtle pregnancy symptoms. Deep cramps… Clots like I’ve gotten when I’ve miscarried. I don’t tell family. I have tried to tell friends. No one seems to actually hear what I’m saying. I have this nagging feeling that the copper iud isn’t preventing pregnancy but more like killing it off? Irritating the lining of my uterus so that the fertile egg cannot implqnt or does not stay implanted for long before dying off from the harsh inflammation caused by my IUD. I feel stuck. I feel sad. I understand you <3

  7. So sorry to hear this! I have also suffered 2 miscarriages and it is a very lonely place. Hugs

  8. *hugs* I’m so sorry for your loss C*. Thank you for sharing your story and the start of your journey as you process and grieve this situation.

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